V-day Conspiracy

I hate Valentines Day. The simple explanation for this is all the pink, and all the idiots. I like the chocolate though as long as I’m the one receiving it. You can buy it anytime, but it’s only free on Valentines Day.

For those of you who love the day then I have some news for you. In truth, Valentines Day is a capitalist conspiracy disguised as the biggest (and most useless) Hallmark holiday known to mankind, made to weed out the useless, and demoralize the unloved people, making money in the process. It may seem like a very big, complicated scheme, but in truth, it is rather simple. Valentine’s Day promotes spending and gift-giving to the beautiful and privileged, while the less fortunate and socially awkward sink into depression and commit deeds characteristic to those who are labeled by society as evil. The lucky ones, then begin to proceed into the much loved game of mating, replacing the ones lost to low self esteem. This is also the answer to why many people have birthdays in November and December.

At GFS we pass out Candy Grams, but did the people who received five Candy Grams ever think about how the people who received zero feel? Fortunately, I don’t need candy hearts or lollipops that will most likely give me diabetes at some point. For those of you who do need candy to make yourself feel better: have a chocolate and drink away your sorrows! Or plot your revenge (if you have time). Adieu~