Magikarp and Minion Memes: The Generation Gap

Let’s face the facts: people hate millennials and the kids born in the early 2000s. Especially those baby boomers. They must have a vendetta against us. They don’t like our cursing, they don’t like our social media, and they don’t like our technology. Roll the movie, please.

Okay. Cursing. We get it, it’s not good. If you use the words too much, they lose meaning. But, consider this: this cookie is deserving of being called f***ing amazing. We don’t want to change our language because it hurts your delicate sensibilities. If we want to talk like that, we can. Free speech, b****.

Here’s our question to you adults: why is it so important to preserve these words our societies have used quietly for generations? Because language evolves. We don’t need curses, and the only way to remove them is to take away their power. Without curses, we are forced to use our brains, to describe how delicious the cookie is. And isn’t that what you’re all about? Stretching our brains, because we’re more sheltered than you? Well a few thousand little kids just witnessed a Trump presidency, so we’re not that sheltered. A Trump presidency that you caused. We didn’t, say, ruin our economy and single-handedly create a mortgage crisis. Looking at you, baby boomers.

Hating social media? This one, I confess I just don’t understand. Why do you hate Snapchat? Just because it takes more to manipulate than Facebook, which you’re STILL on. Lame. Instagram and Snapchat are the new Facebook and computers in general, which means they’re revolutionary forms of connecting. How am I going to send my friends the dumb faces that I’m making without the fear of them screen-shotting it? Snapchat. One second long.

Society evolves, and you’re just salty that you can’t run as fast as those 18 year olds and catch the Magikarp. (Magikarp is a seemingly useless water type Pokemon that is dumb and useless until level 20, when you can evolve it into Gyrados, a water-flying type pokemon that is amazing and goals.)

Evolution is key, in Pokemon and life. So stop hating on social media. And get off Facebook, you’re embarrassing yourself and us with your radio station minion memes about alcoholism and not being skinny.