Middle School Dances=Tribal Warfare?

By: Dean D.

Every trimester, the adults make our lives more horrible, by making cups of chips, throwing together some candy, hiring a DJ, and rearranging the Smith Gym. What fun. Of course, our adolescent brains turn this into a total storm of gossip. If you are seen within three feet of someone from the other gender, the chance of you hearing the end of it is as much as the chance of a gopher ruling the world with an army of stormtroopers and star destroyers.

So, what the heck is tribal warfare, and what in the @$#%@ does it have to do with middle school dances?

Tribal warfare is warfare in and amongst tribes. The definition of tribes is:

“the state of being organized in or an advocate for a tribe or tribes. In terms of conformity, tribalism may also refer in popular cultural terms to a way of thinking or behaving in which people are loyal to their own tribe or social group.”

Tribal warfare is usually constant and brutal, much like middle school social life.

So why do we do dances? I have no idea. But, I went. First, it was awkward as heck. In the morning, my ears were still ringing, and I felt horrible. It was not the best experience. The other thing is that there is a huge amount of pressure to go to the dance with someone. But usually, you’d get an unequivocal “no.”

This is an obvious act of war. This makes the whole dance bitter and awkward and may provoke a war between cliques. Tribal warfare. So at the dance, there are boundaries between the cliques, but when this is broken, all heck breaks loose. One of the cliques will forcibly repel the other clique.

Total chaos results. There may be insults, and there will be blushing. This is never good. There will be chatter. There will be gossip. This is a nightmare. This is a problem, and warfare will result. It will repeat next trimester, and so it will continue.


~Illustration by Dean D.


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